Does Health Affect Your Relationships?
I guess that when youve been married for 33 years, you have to expect some ups and downs. For me and my partner Aisha, it was mostly up for the first 28 years or so. Now it seems like theres a lot of down time, and I think that my health has a lot to do with it. I dont have diabetes. I have multiple sclerosis (MS), which damages my nerves and causes a lot of disabilities. I think its hard for her to cope with. It makes her sad; it makes her angry, which is tough on me. I guess the MS makes me sad, too, which is tough on her. She often says our apartment is a sad place. I dont usually feel sad, but maybe she thinks I am. Anyway, it frequently seems were bringing each other down as much as pulling each other up. The reason I bring this up is that Aisha and I have been doing sex counseling with other couples, some with diabetes and some with MS, and hearing similar stories. In at least a couple of reports, it seems that diabetes may raise divorce rates , perhaps because of the negative effect on sex. Ive written here before about sexual issues, and they are important. But theres a lot more going on. I think that, sometimes, the people with the illness start to get down on themselves. They feel less attractive or less worthy. They feel guilty about not being able to carry as much of the load, and they grieve over the loss of their healthier self. It also seems that the healthier spouses get down on themselves, too, for not being a good enough partner or for resenting their partners changes. Each member of a couple may definitely start resenting the other one. I sometimes find myself resenting Aishas ability to enjoy herself in ways that I can no longer share, or spending time on things I consider unimportant. Both members of a couple where there is chronic illness probably Continue reading >>
Dating A Person With Type 1 Diabetes
Dating a person with type 1 diabetes brings some very unique challenges to any relationship. Of course, simply being the diabetic and dating can be difficult for some, but this article is for those non-diabetics who find themselves attracted to someone who just happens to also live with this disease. I use the word “dating” purposefully, to mark a relationship that is new or in its first few years rather than a relationship that has progressed to “living together” or marriage. The word “dating” implies that you, as the non-diabetic, are in the early stages of learning about your partner’s diabetes. While there are many experiences, stories, and perspectives, a woman named Heidi shares her experience in a 2-year relationship with a man who lived with type 1 diabetes. Her experience is one of many. Be sure to read our “Non-Diabetics Guide to Helping Loved Ones with Diabetes,” too. Ginger: When you first began dating, did you know about his type 1 diabetes from the start or was it introduced at some point? Heidi: I knew from the very first date. We were up too late talking like teenagers and he realized his blood was low. He excused himself to get a glass of milk and a snack. I had known him as a friend for an entire year prior. I did not know. I don’t think he would have told me right away, but the circumstances brought it to light early on. Ginger: When you learned about his diabetes, how did you feel? Did it change anything about how you perceived him in a negative or positive way? Heidi: I felt embarrassed that I did not know or recognize the signs that his blood sugar was low. I asked him if I should have noticed. The knowledge did not change how I felt emotionally. It did make me want to be educated. Ginger: Was he open to talking about and teachi Continue reading >>
10 Things We Women With Diabetes Want You To Know
While we're on the topic of women with diabetes this week, who hasn't yet heard of the Girl's Guide to Diabetes? It's a must-visit for all us super-sweet females, run by type 1 sisters Sysy and Ana Morales. Sysy is a great DOC friend, frequent commenter here at the 'Mine, a wife, mother of twin toddlers, diabetes advocate, and a freelance writer. We are delighted to feature her take here today on a girls' view of good diabetes support: A Guest Post by Sysy Morales By having twins as a type 1 diabetic two months before my husband and I even celebrated our first wedding anniversary, I was able to discover early on that I had a guy who would be respectful and loving no matter how tough life got. I am very lucky. This doesn't mean I didn't have to constantly communicate with him about my diabetes, however. I couldn't just expect him to be insightful about my feelings regarding aspects of my diabetes without any explanation.... Why, the man has never even had a headache! Aside from thinking over my own relationship, I've been getting a lot of emails from guys wanting information about "dating a diabetic girl." If you happen to be one of these men, or you're already in a relationship with a woman with diabetes, this post is for you! Ladies, definitely post any additions or different opinions you have in the comments section. We're all unique and I would expect some of this to vary. For the guy in a relationship with a girl who has diabetes, here are 10 things we want you to know: 1. Recognize that your girl might be very emotional about her illness. Sometimes she needs you to listen to her rant. Let her. Most likely she doesn't need you to solve a problem. The thing I loved most about my husband while we dated was his willingness to listen. Now, if you have to force yourself Continue reading >>
Diabetes And Relationships
Diabetes will invariably have some effect on the relationships you have. In some cases the effects may be trivial but for some diabetes can be a lurking source of friction. How we deal with the pressures of diabetes can make a real difference to the relationships we have with others, be they friends, family, work colleagues or one off acquaintances. One key which can sometimes help is to tell people about your diabetes . We take a look at how different relationships can be effected. Being diagnosed with diabetes can be a traumatic moment and coming to terms with it can be a long process. Even years after being diagnosed you may find yourself asking why did this happen to me?. Accepting your diagnosis is no easy task but it can be of benefit, directly or otherwise, for your interpersonal relationships. Having a daily routine is something of a cornerstone of good diabetes management but inevitably there will be times when the best routine for your diabetes will conflict with the situation you may find yourself in. If youre planning to visit a restaurant, for example, it may be important to you to know at what time youll be getting there. It can help to explain to people you are with what things you need to take into account to manage your diabetes and why. Even someone close to you may need a reminder or clarification at times. Its good to be mindful too of whether you may be making too much an issue of your diabetes. Diabetes can make food choices something of a prickly issue at times. It could be a family get together, a work lunch, visiting a restaurant or even a simple trip to the supermarket. Different people are affected in different ways. Some diabetics expect people to pay attention and consider their diabetes whereas others will do anything to avoid having the d Continue reading >>
Sex, Diabetes And Relationships
Diabetes can affect all types of relationships Diabetes doesn't just affect you. It can impact each of your close relationships, including your relationship with your partner, family and friends, and can even affect your sexual relationships. Have you often thought about how those around you help or hinder your diabetes care? Diabetes can of course cause worry and anxiety for the person with diabetes; but the irony is it can often cause even more in those around the person with diabetes than for the diabetic themselves. This is perhaps because while the person with diabetes is occupied engaging in their diabetes self-care, those alongside them may be feeling there is little they can actually do to help - and therefore have no way to rid themselves of this anxiety. This anxiety can express itself in a variety of quite contrasting ways. The two most common are: feeling isolated and/or unsupported by those close to you or the opposite; feeling blamed or hassled by your family. But have you considered that it may be anxiety that is causing them to react in these potentially unhelpful ways. Do you recognise your situation in any of the following scenarios? Perhaps they criticise you for being overweight , or berate you for not keeping good blood glucose control, which can feel very blaming. Or possibly the opposite is true and your loved ones completely ignore your diabetes, leaving you feeling alone and isolated without the help you would like to support yourself. Perhaps they seem to tell everyone you meet that He/Shes diabetic, they cant eat that drawing everyones attention to the ways in which you are different, when all you want to do is blend in like everyone else. You may feel that those close to you are observing you at every turn checking what you are eating and ho Continue reading >>
The Effects Of Diabetes On Relationships
Will you leave your SO (significant other) because of diabetes? Committed relationships are hard enough. When you add a chronic illness into the mix of everyday problems, it can place undue stress on a relationship. Do you leave your spouse or partner with diabetes when the going gets tough, or do you stick it out and work together to solve problems that come up, “in sickness and in health?” These are questions you may be asking yourself if you have been going through a tough time in your relationship or marriage due to diabetes. If your partner is in a state of denial and they are refusing to participate in self-care activities or listen to their doctor, this can be quite frustrating. You may be getting burnt out from always trying to fix the right amount of carbohydrates, only to catch your other half in the back room hiding with a box of candy. Feeling like you are the “diabetes police” and always nagging drains the joy out of your relationship. The spouse of a diabetic can feel a loss of control over the future, and be afraid that they will lose their life partner. Conversely, if you are the diabetic in the match, you tend to get quite aggravated with all of the nagging and “sugar-shaming” that can be going on. Maybe your partner didn’t support you by attending diabetes education classes, and now she doesn’t seem to know that it’s ok for you to have an occasional treat. Maybe she doesn’t realize that you are having the extra carbohydrates, but you have a walk planned for after the meal. Sometimes you feel misunderstood. It’s true that diabetes can take a physical, mental and financial toll on a relationship. Remember that your overbearing and controlling partner is acting from a place of genuine caring and concern for you. Now let’s look at t Continue reading >>
The Romantic Toll Of Diabetes
Most people with diabetes worry about the effect the disease has on their bodies. But what about the effect it has on their relationships? More than 20 million people in the United States have diabetes, and the damage it causes to their bodies, including impeded blood flow to arteries and reduced stamina, often impacts patients’ sex lives. Yet many never discuss their unique romantic concerns with doctors. A new book from the American Diabetes Association attempts to remedy that. “Sex and Diabetes” takes a frank and sensible look at the intimate lives of people with the disease. By some estimates, from 50 percent to 80 percent of men with diabetes suffer from erectile dysfunction. A strong erection requires healthy veins and unobstructed blood flow, something many people with diabetes lack. Less is known about the sexual effects in women, although experts say women with diabetes often lose their libidos or suffer from vaginal dryness, which can lead to painful intercourse. Co-author Janis Roszler, a nutritionist, tells the story of one woman who felt guilty about having diabetes and believed her husband no longer loved her. “I brought diabetes into our life,’’ she cried to Ms. Roszler. “It’s changed how we eat; it’s changed how we go out. He should be with someone else.” The fear that diabetes is interfering with a relationship isn’t uncommon, says Ms. Roszler. One of the first strategies for managing diabetes is to change the way a person eats. But our relationships are intimately tied to food consumption — candlelight dinners signal courtship, while large family dinners woo teens to the table. It’s no wonder people with diabetes worry their relationships will change as their diets do. The book begins with a quiz to help readers determine if d Continue reading >>
Personal And Relationship Challenges Of Adults With Type 1 Diabetes
Go to: Abstract Little is known about the psychosocial challenges of adults living with type 1 diabetes or its impact on partner relationships. This qualitative study was undertaken to gain better understanding of these issues. Four focus groups were held, two with adult type 1 diabetic patients (n = 16) and two with partners (n = 14). Two broad questions were posed: “What are the emotional and interpersonal challenges you have experienced because you have (your partner has) type 1 diabetes?” and “How does the fact that you have (your partner has) type 1 diabetes affect your relationship with your partner, positively and/or negatively?” Sessions were recorded and transcribed, and analyzed by a team of four researchers, using constant comparative methods to identify core domains and concepts. Four main domains were identified: 1) impact of diabetes on the relationship, including level of partner involvement, emotional impact of diabetes on the relationship, and concerns about child-rearing; 2) understanding the impact of hypoglycemia; 3) stress of potential complications; and 4) benefits of technology. Themes suggest that, although partner involvement varies (very little to significant), there exists significant anxiety about hypoglycemia and future complications and sources of conflict that may increase relationship stress. Partner support is highly valued, and technology has a positive influence. Adults with type 1 diabetes face unique emotional and interpersonal challenges. Future research should focus on gaining a better understanding of how they cope and the effect of psychosocial stressors and coping on adherence, quality of life, and glycemic control. Continue reading >>
Managing Blood Sugar And A Relationship: 5 Rules To Live By
For a person with diabetes, memory is a tricky thing. Out of control blood sugar levels interfere with not just memory but how we view the world. When blood sugar is high or conversely too low, a diabetic will have distorted perceptions and feelings. When blood sugar levels return to normal, reality tends to kick us right between the eyes. What then? Every situation is different. Sometimes we have to apologize regarding our behavior, when high blood sugars (the stranger) comes along. In the song “The Stranger,” Billy Joel talks about the stranger in ourselves and how we hide parts of ourselves to our partner, until one day our best behavior disappears and our true self emerges. As human beings, our defense mechanism prevents us from being 100% honest with our self and others. We hide a portion of our personality. It is truly for the protection of our self and our relationships with others. Some things are best left unsaid. So, when blood sugars go high, these defense mechanisms tend to fall apart. The voice that says, “don’t say that” or “do that” because you will hurt the one you love goes away. When the stranger comes along and our thought process gets distorted, we start acting on impulse instead of maintaining our well thought-out behavior. There are ways to reduce the personal damage that occurs. How the Stranger Almost Ruined My Relationship Several years ago, I had just started dating a girl I was crazy about. I had been thinking about seeing her for days. It was on a Saturday and she was to come over in the early afternoon. My fasting blood sugar was 98 mg/dL that morning. At the time, it seemed my day was off to a great day start. I had gone on the Internet for a while and lost track of time. I hadn’t eaten yet and it was now 1 pm. Unknowingly, Continue reading >>
7 Stories On Love, Sex, And Type 1 Diabetes
We’ve assembled our favorite romance-themed stories over the years. People with Type 1 diabetes can have unique love lives. Blood sugar management provides an early opportunity to test how supportive potential partners can be. And if a relationship survives that stress test, it’s up to the person with diabetes and his/her partner to learn how to communicate through all the daily highs and lows. For everyone affected by Type 1 diabetes who has a romantic streak, we’ve assembled our favorite stories on love, sex, dating, and blood sugar management: A Love Letter During a Blood Sugar Swing A man describes the difficulties of communicating with his love during highs and lows. 7 Tips to a Better Type 1 Sex Life Ideas for how to keep your blood sugar numbers level when horizontal. 3 Diabetes Dating Sites – A Review We’ve braved these sites so you don’t necessarily have to. Let’s Talk About Sexual Dysfunction and Type 1 Sexual dysfunction from diabetes often can be reversed if caught in time. 3 Tips for Navigating T1D in Marriage A diabetes psychologist shares his secrets. What it’s Like to Date Someone Else with Type 1 Weighing the pros and cons of having a partner who also lacks a working pancreas. Discovering Love and T1D at a Ballgame When the first bloom of love and the first bloom of diabetes coincide. Thanks for reading this Insulin Nation article. Want more Type 1 news? Subscribe here. Have Type 2 diabetes or know someone who does? Try Type2Nation. Continue reading >>
Partner Perspectives On Life With A Person With Type 1 Diabetes
L. Nicole Johnson, Dr.PH., M.P.H., M.A., Stephanie T. Melton, M.A., M.P.H. Type 1 diabetes affects all aspects of life for both the person with the disease and their loved ones. For partners, negotiating the caregiving role can be challenging. Objective: Partners of people with type 1 diabetes are positioned to provide crucial support for their significant other, but they may struggle with the caregiving role. The purpose of this study was to determine the challenges and needs of these partners. Research Design and Methods: In this qualitative study, in-depth interviews were conducted with 19 partners of people with type 1 diabetes. A semi-structured interview guide was used during the interviews. Thematic analysis was conducted using qualitative data management and analysis software. Results: The analysis of the interviews revealed that partners face numerous challenges in the caregiving of their partner. Partners reported struggling with: (1) emotional strain from fear and distress over diabetes symptoms and complications that results in caregiver burden; (2) determining how to avoid relationship conflict; and (3) knowing how to provide life sustaining care during diabetes medical emergencies. Conclusion: Partners of people with diabetes would benefit from diabetes education targeting emergency care and the psychosocial impacts of diabetes. This additional education could potentially ease the emotional strains of caregiving. Introduction Living with a disease like type 1 diabetes (T1D) can be challenging. Diabetes is a chronic, life threatening condition in which individuals experience impaired pancreatic functioning. Type 1 diabetes is generally diagnosed in childhood or adolescence, but it can also develop during adulthood. It is estimated that approximately 3 milli Continue reading >>
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Type 1 Diabetes Puts Strain On Marriage
The study, published in Diabetes Care, was done in four focus group sessions, two with 16 adults with type 1 diabetes and two with 14 of their spouses. The intent was to gather preliminary information to guide future research in an under-studied field, says researcher Paula M. Trief, PhD, professor of medicine at the State University of New York Upstate Medical University in Syracuse. "There is literature on the importance of relationships for patients with type 2 diabetes, but very little research on psychological and psychosocial issues of adult type 1 patients at all. They get a lot of attention when they’re kids, then it just drops off completely," she says. The findings of the study suggest that a patient’s personal relationships can affect their diabetes and that doctors should ask patients how things are going at home. In some cases, having the patient bring the partner to an office visit could allow the doctor to explain concepts to the partner as well, Trief says. In the focus groups, both patients and partners were asked two broad questions, followed by free-flowing discussion: “What are the emotional and interpersonal challenges you have experienced because you have (your partner has) type 1 diabetes?” “How does the fact that you have (your partner has) type 1 diabetes affect your relationship with your partner, positively and/or negatively?” Partner involvement ranged from very involved and supportive to “help when asked,” in which the partner is helpful when called upon but otherwise not involved. Emotionally, most patients expressed positive feelings toward the level of support they received from their spouse and a sense that the condition had brought them closer together. However, a smaller group mentioned a negative impact from the diabet Continue reading >>
How Type 1 Diabetes Affects My Relationship
My 6 year wedding anniversary is next Sunday, June 11th. In the spirit of my upcoming anniversary, I decided to write about how Type 1 has affected my relationship over the years. Living with Type 1 Diabetes isn’t easy! But, when you add another person into the mix, it can be tricky. My husband has put up with a lot over the years, so I applaud him for that! Before We Met… After me and my ex-boyfriend broke up (we were together for 3 years) I decided to stay single for a while. Even the thought of trying to explain Type 1 to another person was very unappealing! My ex understood everything about Type 1, and he was usually really good about it. It just didn’t seem worth it at the time to try and explain my disease all over again. Diabetes did affect my past relationship somewhat, so I was really hesitant to get seriously involved with anyone else. “Diabetes? My Grandma has that.” I met my husband, Chris, when I was 22. I had no intention of dating anyone at the time. But, it’s funny how things work out! I ended up getting his phone number off of my friend, and I asked him out. On our first date, we really seemed to hit it off. I really liked him, so I decided to give the relationship a chance. After going on a few dates, and not mentioning Diabetes at all, I knew I had to bring it up. I had no clue what to say, and I was worried about what he would think. So, one night I called him on the phone and I decided it was the right time to tell him. I can’t remember how I brought it up but I said, “I have Type 1 Diabetes, and I am on an insulin pump.” Right after that he said, “My Grandma has Diabetes too.” Umm…it took all of my willpower not to freak out. LOL I tried to keep my cool, but all I wanted to do was hang up the phone! I just said, “Oh…okay Continue reading >>
How Diabetes Impacts Your Mental Health
WRITTEN BY: Mark Heyman, PhD, CDE How Diabetes Impacts Your Mental Health is part of our Mental Health series. Type 1 isn’t just about counting carbs, checking BGLs and administering insulin. The disease takes an emotional and psychological toll as well. Check out other clinical information and personal stories about Mental Health. When I tell people I am a psychologist who specializes in diabetes, they usually look confused. Most people think of diabetes as a physical condition and have never really thought about the mental aspects with living with the condition. Even some people with diabetes are surprised that there are organizations like CDMH that focus on diabetes and mental health. They know that living with diabetes is hard for them, but often they are surprised to hear that their concerns are actually (and unfortunately) quite common. What is it about diabetes that is so hard? I tend to think about diabetes and mental health issues very broadly. While some people with diabetes have a mental health condition (that may or may not be related to having diabetes), there are many others who struggle with issues that are very real, but which may not meet the (sometimes arbitrary) criteria for a mental health diagnosis. Psychology is the study of how situations, emotions and relationships in our lives interact and impact our behavior. I think that this definition provides us with a framework we can use to talk about how diabetes impacts mental health. Situation Diabetes is a self-managed condition. This means that it is the person with diabetes, not their doctor, who is responsible for taking care of him or herself on a daily basis. Diabetes involves making frequent, sometimes life or death decisions under sometimes stressful and physically uncomfortable circumstances Continue reading >>
Sex And Type 1 Diabetes
When a person is diagnosed with diabetes, their doctor will typically walk them through the steps of how to deal with this medical issue in the following years; however, sex is rarely addressed, often leaving the patient feeling left in the dark. The journal Diabetes Care found that only half of all men and 19 percent of women with diabetes had broached the topic of sex with their doctors.1 It is crucial that individuals with Type I Diabetes become aware of the sexual problems associated with this health condition because certain symptoms can be assumed an effect of Type 1 diabetes, but be caused from an unrelated medical condition. For people that already have diabetes, sexual problems can indicate nerve damage, blocked arteries, and irregular hormone patterns.2 People who keep their diabetes under control can lower their risk of developing these sexual and urologic problems in the future. Talk to Your Partner Establishing a strong system of communication with your partner is a crucial component of every relationship. Along with discussing sexually transmitted infections (STIs) and contraception usage, Type 1 diabetics should express how diabetes affects their sex life. Many Type 1 diabetics may feel self conscious about their condition and try to hide it from their partners. If you do this, however, you may not feel comfortable asking your partner for a break from sex in the case of a low blood sugar and put yourself in a dangerous situation. Sex is an intense physical activity and as any Type 1 diabetic knows, this can cause a fast drop in blood glucose level. Make sure your partner knows how to care for you in case you experience a severe low blood sugar level and are unable to care for yourself. It is your responsibility as a diabetic to protect yourself and give t Continue reading >>
