It Happened To Me: I Married A Guy With The Same Chronic Illness As My Dad
It Happened to Me: I Married a Guy with the Same Chronic Illness as My Dad My dad's illness was a dull hum in the background of my childhood and I promised myself I'd never marry a man who had it, too. I promised myself I wouldn't get involved with a sick man. My mother promised herself the same thing -- she wouldn't marry a sick man. Her father was bipolar. And then she married my father, a Type 1 diabetic who was diagnosed the day before his 17h birthday. Happy birthday. My brother got his diagnosis a week before his 16th birthday. My husband, Bear, was 23, when he found out. So he was luckier that way. His mother, the luckiest, developed the disease in her 30s. "You should know," Bear wrote to me when we first met, "I have diabetes. It's not that big of a deal." He linked to the Wikipedia page about Type 1. My brain stopped. It started up again almost immediately, but it was very unhappy. "This can't work," I told him, in person, standing in front of my building on the Upper West Side. He had walked me home after a dinner date. "I can't be with a diabetic," I said. "I swore." "Can't you break your oath?" he whispered before he kissed me. These Orthodox guys smoking cigars walked by and gave us disapproving looks and I didn't care. "Just this once?" Thing is I had good reasons for my oath. Once, before I was born, my dad drove the wrong way on the highway when his blood sugar plummeted and he couldn't think straight. Another time he started convulsing in the park, and the woman my mom ran to for help wouldn't share her kid's juice box even though my dad desperately needed sugar. He was always researching, always trying to figure out ways to be healthier. He exercised for two hours every day. He hadn't eaten carbs in over a decade. My grandmother called his diabetes " Continue reading >>
I Have Never Had Sex With My Diabetic Husband And Probably Never Will
I met my husband online a few weeks before my 31st birthday. There was nothing about his profile that would have particularly drawn me to it. He was 33, divorced. We didn't seem to have much in common, and his photo showed an average looking and very nondescript guy. But, as it was my personal policy to give anyone devoid of major dealbreakers a chance, I immediately wrote back. We wrote each other online a few times a day for about a week, when he asked if I would like to meet up. Despite his kind of boring profile, he was witty and charming in the emails, so I felt somewhat hopeful. Our first date was the dictionary definition of "awkward." We met at Starbucks and then walked around outside. We mostly talked about our respective exes. I don't think he laughed or smiled once. I was pretty sure he hated me. So I was fairly surprised when I got a text from him on my way home saying he had a great time and would love to see me again. Our second date wasn't much better. I'm not sure what made me keep talking to him. I think I was just intrigued. Or maybe it was because he showed up when he said he would, held doors for me, and acted like he gave a damn. The night before we went out for the third time I confessed via text that I was wondering what it would be like to kiss him. He replied, "Oh, yeah?" We sat in a park for hours the night of our third date, talking and drinking a bottle of Chardonnay he had brought. He forgot to bring glasses, so we just chugged from the bottle. Well, I did mostly. He was finally loosening up a little bit, even laughing and smiling a tiny bit here and there. I noticed that he was shaking and asked him a few times if he was cold. He told me later that he wasn't cold that night. He was nervous. Eventually the wine hit me and I had to pee really Continue reading >>
Helping A Loved One With Diabetes
Diabetes can be a demanding disease to manage. People who have the condition must constantly watch what they eat, check their blood sugar levels regularly, and take medication to keep those levels steady. If you’re close to someone who has diabetes, there are ways you can help. Learn about the disease. There are lots of myths and wrong ideas about diabetes. For example, it’s not true that a major sweet tooth can lead to the condition, or that it’s unsafe for people who have it to exercise. Learn how diabetes works, how to prevent emergencies or complications, and other information so you can be useful. Maybe ask your loved one if you can tag along to a doctor’s appointment. Make it a team effort. A diabetes diagnosis is a chance for the whole household to start some healthy habits. Get everyone to get onboard with nutritious meals, quitting smoking, and staying active. Know when to step back. Remember that the person who has diabetes is responsible for managing it, not you. Don’t second-guess the care plan or try to police meals or snacks. Living with diabetes is hard work, and encouragement and support are better than unwanted advice or, worse, scolding. Help ease stress. Too much stress can raise blood sugar levels and make it harder to control diabetes. But managing the condition can be stressful. Encourage your loved one to talk about feelings and frustrations. Try things together like meditating, walking, gardening, or watching a funny movie. Expect mood swings. Swings in blood sugar can make someone jittery, confused, anxious, or irritable. Better blood sugar control can help avoid these ups and downs. Offer emotional support, and encourage your loved one to join a support group or talk about professional counseling if you think that might help. Talk ope Continue reading >>
Does Having Diabetes Impact Your Marriage?
Does Having Diabetes Impact Your Marriage? Does Having Diabetes Impact Your Marriage? By DiabeticParents Latest Reply2013-06-28 15:13:51 -0500 Do you think that having diabetes has an impact on your marriage? An article in Diabetes Care talks about a study that was performed on 50 adults ages 20-35. 37 women and 13 men were studied. Of those, 17 were single, 26 were married, and 7 were seperated or divorced. 22 spouses of the 26 married diabetic parents were also studied. Each person was given a set of 35 questions separately and asked to answer. * 0 adults studied made a decision to stay unmarried due to their disease * 14 of the 50 studied had decided not to have children * Those who were diagnosed with diabetes before the age of 9 had a significantly higher rate of marriage than those who were diagnosed later. * Those diagnosed after age 13 were most likely to choose to remain childless What were the most surprising results of the study? Almost everyone studied stated that diabetes played a role in their life and caused friction and financial burdens in their marriage at times. However, the surprising part was that spouses were most often the supportive ones while diabetics and their spouses disagreed as to how much of an impact the disease had on family activities and finances. The spouses often felt that it had a bigger impact on those aspects of their lives than their diabetic spouses. I would have to say the findings are pretty consistentat least for my husband and I. Diagnosed at 4 with Type 1, we have children. We also disagree on how much of an impact diabetes has on our marriage. But it's very rare that it has a major impact on our marriage. His lows or highs can be tough when I'm left to take care of children and clean up while he sleeps. I also find that p Continue reading >>
Type 1 And Married Life
Diabetes Forum The Global Diabetes Community Find support, ask questions and share your experiences. Join the community I am Type 1 for a very very long time and married too. Has anybody in this group been a Type 1 diabetic for more than 30 years and married. How do you handle hypos when your married and your husband sees his wife having hypos in sleep and day time. I need a Councillor who can advise how I can cope up with the life. Will be happy if any one can give me a supportive hand. Hi @SHmano - sadly hypos go hand in hand with married life, obviously having a sympathetic partner who understands that this is part of the condition and knows how to respond is important. What aspect is your husband or yourself struggling with ? Am not a counsellor but we have married type 1s who can respond and support from experience. Im married with Type 1. Im with @Juicyj ... what type of advice are you looking for and Ill do my best to help? Hi @SHmano - sadly hypos go hand in hand with married life, obviously having a sympathetic partner who understands that this is part of the condition and knows how to respond is important. What aspect is your husband or yourself struggling with ? Am not a counsellor but we have married type 1s who can respond and support from experience. Thanks, My husband never understands what happens when there is hypo. He is not supportive of it though I earn my living for myself and not dependent on my husband monetarily. When I get hypos in the sleep at 2 a.m in the morning i act weirdly, a times I shout, have convulsions. This has affected me mentally. I do not know how to balance my husbands reactions and my mental state after I get a hypo. 1. How to avoid a misunderstanding that I do not have anything other than diabetic hypos Hi @SHmano It sounds li Continue reading >>
What Being Married To A Diabetic Really Looks Like
You are here: Home / Faith / What Being Married to a Diabetic Really Looks Like What Being Married to a Diabetic Really Looks Like Whenever Brian took me out on a date for the very first time he excused himself from the table just as the waitress brought our food. At first this surprised me but I decided to let it go. A few days later, Brian told me the truth-that he has type 1 diabetes. At the time I was so ignorant about the disease that would become such a huge part of my life. And so today I want to tell you what living with diabetes is really like.I know that I am not the only one whose family deals with this and I want to comfort you and remind you that you are not alone. If it doesnt affect you then I want to help you understand this disease. I want you to know that my husband is an amazingly strong man that fights for his health every single day. First of all, I want you to know that there is nothing that Brian could have done to prevent this. Type 1 diabetes just happens. Its not because he ate too much sugar or drank too much soda. It just happened. Diabetes has to be monitored all the time. For us, this means checking Brians blood sugar 4 times a day and giving insulin shots with each meal and once before bed. It is the first thing that we think of in the morning. Diabetes means eating our meals on time and carefully preparing food that wont make his blood sugar go to high or low. For me this means counting the carbs in everything single thing that I cook. It means throwing out my Grannys biscuit recipe in exchange for a low carb cloud bread recipe. It means that we never overeat. If we go out to eat at a restaurant we go at lunchtime because too much food at night means that his blood sugar will be high in the morning. And thats another thing that I want yo Continue reading >>
The Effects Of Diabetes On Relationships
Will you leave your SO (significant other) because of diabetes? Committed relationships are hard enough. When you add a chronic illness into the mix of everyday problems, it can place undue stress on a relationship. Do you leave your spouse or partner with diabetes when the going gets tough, or do you stick it out and work together to solve problems that come up, “in sickness and in health?” These are questions you may be asking yourself if you have been going through a tough time in your relationship or marriage due to diabetes. If your partner is in a state of denial and they are refusing to participate in self-care activities or listen to their doctor, this can be quite frustrating. You may be getting burnt out from always trying to fix the right amount of carbohydrates, only to catch your other half in the back room hiding with a box of candy. Feeling like you are the “diabetes police” and always nagging drains the joy out of your relationship. The spouse of a diabetic can feel a loss of control over the future, and be afraid that they will lose their life partner. Conversely, if you are the diabetic in the match, you tend to get quite aggravated with all of the nagging and “sugar-shaming” that can be going on. Maybe your partner didn’t support you by attending diabetes education classes, and now she doesn’t seem to know that it’s ok for you to have an occasional treat. Maybe she doesn’t realize that you are having the extra carbohydrates, but you have a walk planned for after the meal. Sometimes you feel misunderstood. It’s true that diabetes can take a physical, mental and financial toll on a relationship. Remember that your overbearing and controlling partner is acting from a place of genuine caring and concern for you. Now let’s look at t Continue reading >>
Spousal Diabetes: Why Marrying A Diabetic Increases Disease Risk By 26%
Spousal Diabetes: Why Marrying A Diabetic Increases Disease Risk By 26% Married couples living together share duties and responsibilities like paying the bills, doing the laundry, and dropping and picking up the kids from school. New research, however, shows they possibly share even more the risk of a chronic disease. Spouses who are married to a diabetic are found to have a 26 percent risk of developing type 2 diabetes due to sharing poor eating habits and lazy lifestyles, according to a recent study published in the journalBMC Medicine. Researchers from the McGill University Health Centre in Quebec, Canada, sought to determine whether this social clustering was indeed a risk factor for the non-diabetic spouse. The results from six studies that observed age, socio-economic status, and the way in which diabetes was diagnosed in over 75,000 couples, were obtained for systematic review and five for meta-analysis. The mean ages of these couples was between 52 to 74 years. The six observational studies, published between January 1997 to February 2013, included diverse populations from East Asian to naturalized Hispanics in the U.S. The majority of the studies analyzed relied on health records which may not have always accurately recorded diabetes, the researchers wrote. Those that used direct blood testing suggested that diabetes risk doubles if your partner has diabetes, including a strong correlation with pre-diabetes risk found. Typically, when doctors are looking for diabetes risk in their patients, they often ask about family history, but now the team of researchers believes spousal history may be another factor to take into consideration. The findings of the review revealed a 26 percent increase in the risk of developing type 2 diabetes if the spouse also has type 2. Continue reading >>
Diabetes From A Spouse Perspective: Married To A Type 1
We're sorry, an error occurred. We are unable to collect your feedback at this time. However, your feedback is important to us. Please try again later. It's been a while, but we're back with our ongoing series by andfor loved ones of people with diabetes (PWDs), the so-called Diabetic Partner Follies . Today we'reproud to share a post written by Sandy Floyd, who lives with her type 1 husbandVince in the Philadelphia area and blogs over at A Diabetic Spouse . Vince was diagnosed at the tender young ageof six months (!) and the complications he lives with bring a unique perspective. We know it isn't easy being the loved one of a PWD, but Sandy saysthe challenges they've faced have made them stronger. Read on... When it comes to sharingmy story as the wife of diabetic husband, this story may be a little differentthan many of the others out there in the community. Sure, I'm like other type 1 spouses in many ways. But my worldis much different than that of my fellow D-Wives: See, I'm also a caregiver. My husband, Vince, was diagnosed 32 years ago with type 1diabetes, and we've been together for 10 years and married for four years. His complications set in by his mid-20s, long before we weremarried. Vince developed retinopathy, neuropathy, and hypoglycemia unawareness quite the trifecta for any person with diabetes! He relies on the Medtronic Revel insulin pump with theContinuous Glucose Monitor (CGM) to deliver insulin and alert him of potentiallife threatening high and low blood sugars. But the complications have madethings more difficult. The retinopathy has caused significant vision loss in one eye,and Vince has had many laser treatments done on both eyes along with vitrectomy surgery onone of them. Although his vision is extremely limited in one eye, the lasersurgeries Continue reading >>
How Is Marrying A Type 2 Diabetes Patient Like? Is It Doable?
Having type 2 diabetes changes your life and can certainly affect relationships, whether you’re dating or married. Diabetes management requires a lot of your attention and focus, which may be hard for a partner unfamiliar with the disease to understand. You have to carefully monitor what you eat and check your blood sugar frequently throughout the day. And if you're not always so careful about managing your diabetes, your partner may also be affected. A recent study of people whose partners had type 2 diabetes found that those who tried to exert control over their partners' dietary behavior felt particularly stressed and burdened. Finally, if you get sick and need help, your diabetes care may fall to your partner. Diabetes: The Physical and Emotional Impact Fear Anger Depression Denial Guilt Not only is the emotional aspect of diabetes a real rollercoaster, but there is also a physical impact on Diabetes Destroyer re- Is a Real Diabetes Solution Here? |. The emotional strain of dealing with diabetes can cause stress and anxiety, as well as communication difficulties that can lead to sexual dysfunction in relationships. Diabetes: Dating With Diabetes Even if you're not currently in a long-term relationship, diabetes can have an impact on your dating life. Ronda Keys, 37, an event planner from Maryland, was first diagnosed with type 2 diabetes at age 18. She didn't know anyone else her age with the disease, so she tried to downplay its seriousness to her friends, her boyfriend, and even herself. Keys, who is single, didn't want her boyfriend or friends to feel that they had to stop what they were doing or make accommodations for her diabetes, so she just didn't tell many people. "I had to try to figure out how to still live a normal life and do normal things and manage Continue reading >>
How Type 2 Diabetes Affects Relationships
Having type 2 diabetes changes your life and can certainly affect relationships, whether you’re dating or married. Diabetes management requires a lot of your attention and focus, which may be hard for a partner unfamiliar with the disease to understand. You have to carefully monitor what you eat and check your blood sugar frequently throughout the day. And if you're not always so careful about managing your diabetes, your partner may also be affected. A recent study of people whose partners had type 2 diabetes found that those who tried to exert control over their partners' dietary behavior felt particularly stressed and burdened. Finally, if you get sick and need help, your diabetes care may fall to your partner. Diabetes: The Physical and Emotional Impact People diagnosed with type 2 diabetes may experience a wide range of emotions, including: Fear Anger Depression Denial Guilt Not only is the emotional aspect of diabetes a real rollercoaster, but there is also a physical impact on sexual function. The emotional strain of dealing with diabetes can cause stress and anxiety, as well as communication difficulties that can lead to sexual dysfunction in relationships. Diabetes: Dating With Diabetes Even if you're not currently in a long-term relationship, diabetes can have an impact on your dating life. Ronda Keys, 37, an event planner from Maryland, was first diagnosed with type 2 diabetes at age 18. She didn't know anyone else her age with the disease, so she tried to downplay its seriousness to her friends, her boyfriend, and even herself. Keys, who is single, didn't want her boyfriend or friends to feel that they had to stop what they were doing or make accommodations for her diabetes, so she just didn't tell many people. "I had to try to figure out how to still live Continue reading >>
Partner Has Diabetes. Still Marry Him?
My boyfriend has been diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. We were planning to get married next year but now i am having second thoughts after advice from friends telling me to reconsider. What should i do? Still go ahead to get married? Why not? As long as he takes care of his health and is responsible, he can still lead a normal life. My friend has Type 1 diabetes and she's happily married. Even trying to get pregnant now. Diabetes is on the rise in SG....some women even get it during pregnancy (gestational diabetes)..still..that hasn't stopped them from leading normal fulfilling lives. Diabetes is not a terminal disease. Like alhana said, if your bf takes care of his health, he can still lead a normal life. Frankly, what did your friends tell you???? Honestly,if you love or commitment is only that much, i think it is a good idea to reconsider your marriage plan, just to be fair to your bf, how are you going to overcome other obstacles in life with him with such little faith??? To be fair to Chick77, diabetes is definitely not terminal, however, it is a hereditary disease. I will marry a guy with diabetes provided I don't intend to have his offsprings. If I want to get pregnant by a guy, I feel that it's only fair to consider the impact it will have on our children, grandchildren and so on. I've heard and seen cases where children get diabetes. It's a torture to them. And for generations, your offsprings will have diabetes. Unless my love for my bf is "Till death parts us" type and I can't live without him, I will definitely reconsider the relationship. Honestly if you are having second thoughts due to his illness, best not to proceed with the marriage. I think it is not wrong to stop the plans in view of the illness, diabetes is a long term illness and can lead to kidney Continue reading >>
Marrying Into Diabetes: A Husband’s Perspective
I am married to a beautiful woman with type 1 diabetes. On many days, diabetes has churned the waters in our relationship. I’ve argued with low blood sugars and lost. What woman can be responsible for being snippy when her blood sugar’s at 35 mg/dl (2 mmol/L)? I’ve watched date night get canceled by an all day high. My empathy for Elizabeth is spiked with a little anger. But how can I talk about my frustration at diabetes when it’s a trifle next to the boulder that Elizabeth carries? These feelings sit inside me. They fester. I try to be strong. On difficult days, frustration boils over. Other times I don’t know what to say. I lie there in bed while she has low blood sugar and struggles. I see how much it’s hurting her, how hard it is for her, how bad she feels. I want her to know that I see it, and it tears me up, and I wish there was a way I could share that burden. But instead I say I’m sorry. The last thing she wants is pity. I’ve learned a lot about diabetes helping develop Diabetes Daily over the last six years. Yet when it comes to my own relationship with the most important person in my life, I still get it wrong too often. The challenges faced by those who care about someone with diabetes are rarely discussed. It ends up hurting both the person with diabetes and the person without it. So this year, let’s start a dialogue about ways that people with diabetes and their loved ones can support each other better. I invite any loved ones who would like to talk about their experiences to get in touch or to write about it on your own site and share a link. I also encourage couples to attend the 2012 National DiabetesSisters Conference in Raleigh, NC this May. There will be a session specifically for those without diabetes to talk about issues like thi Continue reading >>
Diabetes And Your Marriage
Making Things Work It’s hard to have a chronic illness like diabetes. You have to watch your weight, make healthy food choices, exercise, take insulin or oral medicines in many cases, and see several health-care providers on a regular basis. But there’s more to it than that: You must carry out these tasks while also being worried that you may develop complications such as eye or kidney problems or while feeling depressed or overwhelmed. Having the support of others can help ease the feelings of fear or frustration that often go along with having diabetes. Research has clearly shown that people who have social support tend to do better managing their diabetes. Social support can mean different things to different people. You may feel supported when a family member offers to take you to a doctor visit. You may feel supported when a friend listens and lets you cry about how frustrated you feel. Or you may feel supported when your sister walks with you each morning so that you can stick with your exercise program. When people with diabetes feel they have people who care about them, people they can talk to about their deepest feelings, they are more likely to stick to their self-care regimen, to have better blood glucose control, and to feel positive about their ability to cope with diabetes. When you are married or in a committed relationship, the most important source of support is usually your spouse or partner. However, the marital relationship can also be the greatest source of conflict and stress. This article explores how a couple’s relationship may affect diabetes, how diabetes may affect the relationship, and how couples can work together to have both a healthy relationship and good diabetes control. One affects the other The quality of your relationship with Continue reading >>
5 Tips For A Happier Marriage With Diabetes
5 Tips for a Happier Marriage With Diabetes After you bolus for your wedding cake, heres what you need to know It has been said that the first year of marriage is often the hardest. Learning to live as a pair and work as a team when diabetes is in the picture often requires some adjustments, even for the longest-term couples. Here are some expert tips: After planning a wedding and celebrating the big day, then coming back down to Earth, you may find that you have neglected parts of your relationship. Starting off as a married couple means investing in togethernesseven when it comes to tackling diabetes. We know from research looking at mismatched couples, where one has a disease and one doesnt, if both have a mind frame that were in it together, they have better outcomes [and] marriage satisfaction, says Tai Mendenhall, PhD, LMFT, who specializes in medical family therapy at the University of Minnesota. When one partner is removed from the others disease management, it can get in the way of a team approach and healthy relationship. Your partner should not be left in the dark about your diabetes management. Anne Safran Dalin, 63, of Hillsborough, New Jersey, has been married to her husband, Jim, for 41 years. She was diagnosed with prediabetes in 2005 and now manages her type2 diabetes by following a healthy diet. Its up to the [person with diabetes] to educate their partner in the care of their health, Dalin says, noting that Jim commits to eating healthy meals with her. If a partner is willing to attend an educational program or [a] session with a diabetes counselor, that would be a huge step forward for the couple. Sarah Mart, 45, of Fort Collins, Colorado, has been living with type1 diabetes since she was 7 years old. Her wife, Anne Kirven, doesnt have diabetes, so Continue reading >>
