Supporting Your Partner
Diabetes can be a significant load to bear on a daily basis but it can also impact upon the partner of someone with diabetes. We look at some of the issues from the perspective of the partner of someone with diabetes. If your partner has diabetes, the following positive actions can be helpful: Take an interest in your partners diabetes - but let him/her be in control Allow your partner time for managing diabetes Take an interest in your partner's diabetes Your partner will likely appreciate you taking an interest in their diabetes. It can be comforting for them to feel like that they are not going through it alone. Make sure that your partner feels in control of their diabetes, but remind them that you are there to help in any way you can. We can all benefit from a different viewpoint at times to help us make decisions. If your partner is finding certain aspects of their diabetes management hard, you could suggest some tips to make life easier for them. Take some time to speak to your partner to see what works best for them. Allow you partner time to manage their diabetes Make sure your partner is not rushed or pressured when managing their diabetes. If they are testing their blood sugar, injecting or reviewing test results , it is important they are totally focused. Also, try to ensure your partner has the time to exercise during the week. High and low sugar levels may at times lead to irritability, confusion, silliness and sometimes anger. Try to allow some extra leeway with your partners moods if they are experiencing fluctuations in blood sugar levels. However, if your partners mood swings become violent or frequently difficult to manage, they may benefit from speaking to a counsellor . If diabetes affects your partners ability to have or enjoy sex , it can be diff Continue reading >>
4 Tips For Partners Of People With Diabetes
4 Tips for Partners of People With Diabetes Building a good relationship can bolster a couples health If your partner has type 2 diabetes , does that mean youll develop it, too? Thats the question researchers tried to answer in a study from McGill University in Canada. The study, published in the January 2014 issue of BMC Medicine, found a correlation: The spouses of people with type 2 diabetes are 26 percent more likely than spouses of people without diabetes to also develop type 2. Is that because partners might cultivate unhealthy eating habits and skip exercise, which can lead to an increased risk of developing type 2 diabetes? Or is it that once you know more about diabetes (maybe through being the caregiver or loved one of someone with the condition), you are more likely to see the symptoms of diabetes in yourself? The study didnt say. But its clear that as a caregiver, its vitally important that you take care of your own health in addition to looking after your loved one with diabetes. Here are steps you can take to make sure your partnership is healthy and so are you. Learn about diabetes. This might seem like a no-brainer, but understanding what your partner is going through is important in two ways: It makes you more present in your partners life, and it helps you both feel confident in case of an emergency. Eliot LeBow, MSW, LCSW, CDE, is a New York therapist and a person with type 1 diabetes , so hes had firsthand experience involving partners in his diabetes. When he tests his blood glucose, he shares his meter reading with his loved one, for example. My present girlfriend, she takes an active role in my diabetes, and I think thats really important, he says. So ask questions and learn how to give glucagon. (Its an injectable hormone used when an episode of Continue reading >>
Caring For A Spouse With Type 2 Diabetes
Carol Cooney's life changed when her husband, Brian, was diagnosed with type 2. Here's how she helped him shed 70 pounds and get his health under control. Sign Up for Our Living with Diabetes Newsletter Thanks for signing up! You might also like these other newsletters: Sign up for more FREE Everyday Health newsletters . Carol Cooney, 56, of Evanston, Ill., wasnt totally shocked when doctors told her husband, Brian, 54, that he had diabetes. He had been told for several years that he was prediabetic , but he didnt do anything about it, Carol says. Now, he was lying in a hospital bed with a potentially devastating diagnosis. Carol had taken Brian to the emergency room the Monday after Thanksgiving of last year after he developed an infection in his leg that didnt clear up with IV antibiotics. While Brian was in the hospital, blood work revealed that his prediabetes had become full-blown type 2 diabetes , and he needed to go on insulin. Immediately, Brians diagnosis was overwhelming, as doctors and nurses threw instructions for diabetes management at them. We were bombarded with information about his diabetes, says Carol, who appointed herself Brians type 2 diabetes caregiver. Although Brian had a massive infection they had to cut into his leg to clean it out, Carol says Carol recalls that the doctors seemed more concerned about Brians diabetes and his blood sugar levels than the infection. His doctors felt he was beyond the stage when medication and lifestyle changes alone would help he needed to learn to test his blood sugar and inject himself with insulin. The couple left the hospital after four days, armed with two kinds of insulin, antibiotics, lancets, alcohol wipes, gauze, packing tape, sterile water, and bandages. I had to learn how to pack his wound and clean it Continue reading >>
How To Support A Spouse With Diabetes
Editors Note: This story was originally published on Diabetes Strong . Christel and I have been together for over 16 years now. We have had our ups and downs, but luckily, her diabetes has never been something that put a lot of stress on our relationship. We get a lot of questions from people who have read Christels diabetes posts here on TheFitBlog about how we make it work as a couple, so today I wanted to share some of my experiences of how it is to live with a spouse who has diabetes and what I do to support her. When Christel and I started dating, I would freak out a little every time she got a low. Seeing your girlfriend shaking, sweating, and just looking miserable is not fun. My natural response was, of course, to try and help, but I really had no idea what to do. Feeling unable to help the person you love is also not a good feeling! If you are like me, you will probably try to help, even if you have no clue what to do. You most likely wont do any harm, but you may annoy your partner quite a bit. To get over this, find a good time to have the diabetes talk. Talk through the different situations where you can help and the situations where you just need to let them handle it. Find a time when you are both in a good mood and its natural to have a long, intimate discussion (over a really good dinner works for us). Your approach should be something like this: I love you and I want to support you as much as I can. Tell me how and when its helpful that I support you and when you would rather I just give you space and let you deal with it yourself. Having this discussion should give you a much better understanding of what you can do to help. It will also make your spouse feel more comfortable about asking for help when he or she needs it. Some of the agreements that wo Continue reading >>
The Other: How Spouses Of Diabetics Deal
It’s a cool Sunday evening, and I’m sitting in a lively Italian restaurant. My husband is across the table. We’ve just placed our orders, and we’re engaged in easy conversation. Knowing that our meal will be arriving shortly, I pull my meter out of my purse and proceed to check my blood sugar. Meanwhile, my husband is talking about his job, and our server has placed a basket of warm bread and a bowl of olive oil and garlic in front of us. The smell is intoxicating. My meter screen counts down from five. I glance down to see a less-than-ideal reading: one that warrants an injection (in case my insulin pump set is clogged) and a few hours without any intake of carbohydrates. In an instant, I feel that the evening is ruined. I’m embarrassed, ashamed, and, mostly, angry. While the diners surrounding our table laugh merrily and converse loudly over glasses of wine and plates heaped with steaming pasta, and my husband sits across from me, attentive and content, my mind is racing. Should I change my set? Leave the restaurant immediately in anger? Seethe and watch my husband enjoy his meal? Cry? Go ahead and eat while praying that my blood sugar cooperates? I choose the latter, knowing that we are thirty minutes from home, that my daughter is enjoying time with her favorite babysitter, and that the quiet, intimate dinner we are having is a rare occasion. However, this questions plays over and over in my mind: Why, once again, does my diabetes seem to ruin the most perfect of moments? As difficult as diabetes is for me, I often forget to consider the Other, the person who supports me “in sickness and in health.” He’s the one who feeds me glucose tablets when I’m low and wakes up with me when my CGM beeps loudly at 2:00 AM. I’m easily sucked into a “woe is m Continue reading >>
Helping A Loved One With Diabetes
Diabetes can be a demanding disease to manage. People who have the condition must constantly watch what they eat, check their blood sugar levels regularly, and take medication to keep those levels steady. If you’re close to someone who has diabetes, there are ways you can help. Learn about the disease. There are lots of myths and wrong ideas about diabetes. For example, it’s not true that a major sweet tooth can lead to the condition, or that it’s unsafe for people who have it to exercise. Learn how diabetes works, how to prevent emergencies or complications, and other information so you can be useful. Maybe ask your loved one if you can tag along to a doctor’s appointment. Make it a team effort. A diabetes diagnosis is a chance for the whole household to start some healthy habits. Get everyone to get onboard with nutritious meals, quitting smoking, and staying active. Know when to step back. Remember that the person who has diabetes is responsible for managing it, not you. Don’t second-guess the care plan or try to police meals or snacks. Living with diabetes is hard work, and encouragement and support are better than unwanted advice or, worse, scolding. Help ease stress. Too much stress can raise blood sugar levels and make it harder to control diabetes. But managing the condition can be stressful. Encourage your loved one to talk about feelings and frustrations. Try things together like meditating, walking, gardening, or watching a funny movie. Expect mood swings. Swings in blood sugar can make someone jittery, confused, anxious, or irritable. Better blood sugar control can help avoid these ups and downs. Offer emotional support, and encourage your loved one to join a support group or talk about professional counseling if you think that might help. Talk ope Continue reading >>
Living With A Partners Diabetes
Its hard to explain diabetes to others. To most, diabetes boils down to a vastly over-simplified condition summed up in one sentence: Oh, he cant have sugar, hes diabetic. Many people could probably watch an acquaintance with diabetes down an entire pizza with no idea it might be an issue (and we all know it is the dreaded pizza effect! ), but become horribly concerned when they see that same acquaintance nibble on a small cookie totaling 15 carbs! To really understand diabetes, you need to understand how food is metabolized in the body; how quickly food breaks down into sugars; how quickly those sugars enter the blood; which foods cause a rapid spike; which foods cause a slower, more mellow spike; what kind of other factors play into the absorption of sugar and insulin; and so on. Its not just a simple need to avoid sugar. But most people dont really NEED the full explanation. Aside from the occasional too-nosy family member whos constantly monitoring us to make sure were being good diabetics, minute-to-minute management of diabetes wont be a concern to our friends and family. Theyll accept our simplified my numbers are good report and leave it at that (and for that too-nosy family member, dont be afraid to ask him to back off its not HIS diabetes, and you deserve to be treated like adultbut thats a topic for another blog post). But there are people in our lives who are directly impacted by our diabetes our husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, parents, children, and others who we live with day-in-day-out. Its one thing to have an aunt with diabetes who you see every few months. Her diabetes isnt something that impacts your life except for perhaps an occasional worry. But when your husband has it, when your wife has it, when your child or your father has it, thats Continue reading >>
Marrying Into Diabetes: A Husband’s Perspective
I am married to a beautiful woman with type 1 diabetes. On many days, diabetes has churned the waters in our relationship. I’ve argued with low blood sugars and lost. What woman can be responsible for being snippy when her blood sugar’s at 35 mg/dl (2 mmol/L)? I’ve watched date night get canceled by an all day high. My empathy for Elizabeth is spiked with a little anger. But how can I talk about my frustration at diabetes when it’s a trifle next to the boulder that Elizabeth carries? These feelings sit inside me. They fester. I try to be strong. On difficult days, frustration boils over. Other times I don’t know what to say. I lie there in bed while she has low blood sugar and struggles. I see how much it’s hurting her, how hard it is for her, how bad she feels. I want her to know that I see it, and it tears me up, and I wish there was a way I could share that burden. But instead I say I’m sorry. The last thing she wants is pity. I’ve learned a lot about diabetes helping develop Diabetes Daily over the last six years. Yet when it comes to my own relationship with the most important person in my life, I still get it wrong too often. The challenges faced by those who care about someone with diabetes are rarely discussed. It ends up hurting both the person with diabetes and the person without it. So this year, let’s start a dialogue about ways that people with diabetes and their loved ones can support each other better. I invite any loved ones who would like to talk about their experiences to get in touch or to write about it on your own site and share a link. I also encourage couples to attend the 2012 National DiabetesSisters Conference in Raleigh, NC this May. There will be a session specifically for those without diabetes to talk about issues like thi Continue reading >>
How Can I Cope With My Partner's Diabetes?
When a diabetic is involved in a relationship, the focus can become the diabetes. It affects the diabetic partner’s behavior and mood and, at times, things can get very intense between the couple. This same behavior can also affect the entire family, close friends and even coworkers. Low, fluctuating and high blood sugars are not intentional. They are more akin to stubbing your toe on the corner of a table. An accident! They are the result of an uncontrollable variable that the person/diabetic didn’t see, causing sugars to be at one level or another and out of control. Every day, every moment, every second is different than the last. The diabetic never knows when it may happen, just like stubbing your toe. You do your best to control it, but it still happens. Low, fluctuating and high blood sugars are part of even a very stable and well-controlled diabetic’s daily life. They are part of the package and come with the person you love. If they could, you, your husband or wife would make everything that goes with diabetes -- feeling ill often, sudden visits to the hospitals, turning around because they forgot to bring the shot/meter/Glucophage injection, the depression from the highs, the distracted moments of the lows, and a lot more BS than you could ever imagine -- just go away. So you have a choice: You can let the diabetes destroy a perfectly good and loving relationship or you can get help. You can accept the diabetes with patience or fight the reality that your husband or wife is a diabetic and that plans will always be subject to change. This fight will cause continued frustration and anger. If you fight the reality, diabetes will become the elephant in the room and you both will lose. For right now, let me offer a pointer and a simple change that may be very Continue reading >>
Diabetes And Your Marriage
Making Things Work It’s hard to have a chronic illness like diabetes. You have to watch your weight, make healthy food choices, exercise, take insulin or oral medicines in many cases, and see several health-care providers on a regular basis. But there’s more to it than that: You must carry out these tasks while also being worried that you may develop complications such as eye or kidney problems or while feeling depressed or overwhelmed. Having the support of others can help ease the feelings of fear or frustration that often go along with having diabetes. Research has clearly shown that people who have social support tend to do better managing their diabetes. Social support can mean different things to different people. You may feel supported when a family member offers to take you to a doctor visit. You may feel supported when a friend listens and lets you cry about how frustrated you feel. Or you may feel supported when your sister walks with you each morning so that you can stick with your exercise program. When people with diabetes feel they have people who care about them, people they can talk to about their deepest feelings, they are more likely to stick to their self-care regimen, to have better blood glucose control, and to feel positive about their ability to cope with diabetes. When you are married or in a committed relationship, the most important source of support is usually your spouse or partner. However, the marital relationship can also be the greatest source of conflict and stress. This article explores how a couple’s relationship may affect diabetes, how diabetes may affect the relationship, and how couples can work together to have both a healthy relationship and good diabetes control. One affects the other The quality of your relationship with Continue reading >>
At A Loss For How To Cope With My Diabetic Husband
At a loss for how to cope with my diabetic husband Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please,join our community todayto contribute and support the site. This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies. At a loss for how to cope with my diabetic husband I am the wife of a diabetic, and our relationship has been going downhill really fast. His sugars aren't very well managed, and on top of that he always gets dehydrated during the intesely hot summer months where we live. He flips back and forth between being sweet/kind and rageful/verbally abusive. He probably has an underlying anger problem, but I think his health issues are usually behind the rage episodes. How does a partner cope with this kind of anger and rage? In your experience, is dehydration worse (cause more mood issues) for someone with diabetes? I'm at the end of my rope and contemplating leaving, because I can't live with this verbal abuse anymore, no matter what is causing it. But I thought I'd see whether there is some helpful wisdom to be learned from others who may struggle with problems similar to my husband's. Any feedback on how I can handle this devestating situation would be so helpful. He flips back and forth between being sweet/kind and rageful/verbally abusive. He probably has an underlying anger problem, but I think his health issues are usually behind the rage episodes. First, let me say I'm sorry you're going through this...I was married 4 times and went through this with all of them. Took me those 4 times to realize it was me, not them. I'm just not the married type. With that said: In my opinion you can usually tell if someone has an underlying problem with disrespect if it's metered out across the board. If he's this way with just you and no one else...I'm afra Continue reading >>
The Dos And Don’ts Of Supporting Someone With Diabetes
This story was originally posted on April 13, 2015. Living with diabetes can be hard. Really hard. The constant blood monitoring, thinking about every morsel of food you put in your mouth, trying to avoid scary, life threatening complications. The stress can be exhausting. Then, just as you’re having an amazing day—your blood sugars have been nice and steady, you did an awesome job at work, you ate a super heathy lunch—you have to explain yourself. Someone sees your pump. You excuse yourself to bolus and someone spots a needle. You refuse the sugar-laden donuts in the break room. And you have to say it. “I have diabetes.” Cue the insensitive responses: “Do you have type 2 or the bad kind?” “It’ll go away if you just lose the weight.” “So does that mean you can’t eat cake?” “Diabetes isn’t that hard, you just have to be on a special diet, right?” “Your diabetes must be getting worse because you take insulin.” “You brought this on yourself.” “Since you take insulin, does that mean you’re type 1?” “You’re not fat, you can’t have diabetes.” And the best of all… “But you don’t look sick.” You wince. Perhaps you’ve heard it before, or maybe this is a new, creative dig at your illness. In a perfect world everyone would be educated about diabetes, but right now that just isn’t the case. Too many stereotypes and myths exist today that perpetuate misconceptions about both type 1 and type 2 diabetes. John Zrebiec, L.I.C.S.W., Chief of the Behavioral Health Unit at Joslin Diabetes Center, is no stranger to oblivious or downright rude comments aimed at those with diabetes. He suggests that if someone says something insensitive or just plain wrong to you, take the high road. Educate them on what it’s really like to l Continue reading >>
How To Live With A Diabetic Spouse
Three Parts: Supporting Your Spouse Maintaining a Healthy Lifestyle Together Caring for Yourself Community Q&A Diabetes, a disease that causes the level of glucose in your blood to be unusually high, can be serious and require significant changes to aspects of your life such as diet and exercise. [1] But if you are the spouse of someone with diabetes, you may also need to make changes to your lifestyle. By supporting your spouses treatment and making positive changes to your mutual lifestyle, you can both live with diabetes. Educate yourself about diabetes. One of the most positive ways in which you can support your spouse is by informing yourself about diabetes. This can help you to understand not only what she is going through, but may also help you give her what she needs to maintain her health. [2] Speak to your spouses doctor spouses about dietary and exercise requirements, including any warning signs of bigger issues for which you should watch. Consult educational tools online from organizations such as The American Diabetes Organization. You can find articles about the disease, diet and fitness, and joining support groups. [3] Subscribe to magazines or other media published to support and educate persons with diabetes and their spouses. Take a course about health and diabetics, which could teach you how to inject insulin or identify anaphylactic shock, if necessary. Speak openly with your spouse. Communication with your spouse should be one of the cornerstones of supporting your spouse. Not only can she tell you about how she is feeling and what she needs, but also if you are nagging her. [4] Be honest with each other at all times. There is nothing about which you should feel shame or guilt around your spouse, especially if you are providing care for her. For ex Continue reading >>
The Effects Of Diabetes On Relationships
Will you leave your SO (significant other) because of diabetes? Committed relationships are hard enough. When you add a chronic illness into the mix of everyday problems, it can place undue stress on a relationship. Do you leave your spouse or partner with diabetes when the going gets tough, or do you stick it out and work together to solve problems that come up, “in sickness and in health?” These are questions you may be asking yourself if you have been going through a tough time in your relationship or marriage due to diabetes. If your partner is in a state of denial and they are refusing to participate in self-care activities or listen to their doctor, this can be quite frustrating. You may be getting burnt out from always trying to fix the right amount of carbohydrates, only to catch your other half in the back room hiding with a box of candy. Feeling like you are the “diabetes police” and always nagging drains the joy out of your relationship. The spouse of a diabetic can feel a loss of control over the future, and be afraid that they will lose their life partner. Conversely, if you are the diabetic in the match, you tend to get quite aggravated with all of the nagging and “sugar-shaming” that can be going on. Maybe your partner didn’t support you by attending diabetes education classes, and now she doesn’t seem to know that it’s ok for you to have an occasional treat. Maybe she doesn’t realize that you are having the extra carbohydrates, but you have a walk planned for after the meal. Sometimes you feel misunderstood. It’s true that diabetes can take a physical, mental and financial toll on a relationship. Remember that your overbearing and controlling partner is acting from a place of genuine caring and concern for you. Now let’s look at t Continue reading >>
Non-diabetic’s Guide To Helping Loved Ones With Diabetes
Whether you’re a brother, mother, aunt, boyfriend, wife or best friend, knowing how to support the people in your life who live with diabetes isn’t all that easy. In fact, it can be very tricky. Mostly, because: We all have different needs when it comes to the kind of support we want in diabetes. You, as the person who loves us, really want to make sure we’re safe and healthy, and sometimes that might come off as overbearing or controlling or nosey…but really, you just really love us. We don’t always behave the most wonderfully when we’re having a high blood sugar or a low blood sugar. And while we can’t always control that behavior, it does make communication a lot harder for you, the person who loves us. To help you be the best support system you can possibly be for the person in your life with diabetes, here are a few tips (and in video form here): Ask us what we need. Personally, I don’t need someone to remind me to check my blood sugar or help me count my carbohydrates. That would irritate me. On the other hand, it is incredibly helpful when my boyfriend reminds me to take my Lantus before bed, and I sincerely appreciate when he asks me what my blood sugar is after I check. To me, that’s great support. I want him to know what my blood sugar is so he can be aware of how my mental state is. For others, those things might drive them nuts. Giving us support we don’t want isn’t going to help; in fact, it might lead us to blocking you out of our diabetes management altogether. Let us tell you, in our own words, how you can support us. Please don’t lecture us. Telling an adult with diabetes what we should or should not be doing is only appropriate when we’ve asked for your insight. Telling us that we shouldn’t be eating that or shouldn’t be d Continue reading >>
